


You're a perfect ten (I wanna get in)

by gunboots



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: M/M, niche humor, oh my god I am so sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-09
Updated: 2013-09-09
Packaged: 2017-12-26 01:38:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/960063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gunboots/pseuds/gunboots
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kagami uses bad hip-hop lyrics to hit on Aomine. </p><p>Aomine has no idea what the hell is wrong with Kagami. </p><p>Everyone else despairs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You're a perfect ten (I wanna get in)

**Author's Note:**

> This has been sitting on my computer for literally months, if only because I am honestly sure that I not only give away my age in writing this, but I was 95% sure it only made sense to me. This is probably OOC as hell, and mostly serving to make me laugh but whatevs. I'm going with the assumption that Aomine knows enough English to vaguely understand Kagami but actually not grasping anything he actually means. I took a lot of liberties here wowie. 
> 
> Thanks to [Robin](http://archiveofourown.org/users/deuxoiseaux) for the beta, and to everyone else for assuring me NOT to delete this. I blame Twitter for everything. Any other errors are mine, and my own. Standard disclaimers apply to these songs and these characters. Corny fic ideas are all my own.

I. Blackstreet: No Diggity

" _ **I like the way you WORK it**_ ," Kagami tries to emphasize the word 'work' with an eyebrow raise, and for some reason he licks his lips. Aomine just stares back at him blankly. 

What the hell...? 

Was he fucking hungry again--they just fucking ate an hour ago. It was Kagami's damn idea for them to go out and play a casual game of street ball after in the first place; now the asshole wanted to stop when the game got tough to go eat again. “ _ **I gotta back it up**_.”

"You mean about my playing? That's cause I'm a better basketball player than you, of course you'd like it." Aomine replies, turning away, "you hungry again, or something... you look off."

Kagami doesn't say anything, just makes some spluttering sound. He refuses to bring it up the rest of the night and ends the game uncharacteristically early. Kagami doesn't contact him for three days after and never explains why.

\-----------------

II. Low: Flo Rida

"I don't know… _ **I like them apple bottom jeans, the boots with the fur.**_ " Kagami murmurs, his voice husky for a second, eyes narrowing like when he's about to go into the zone, " _ **I like to see shorty get low.**_ "

Aomine shrugs and continues dribbling the ball. They were just talking about clothes and how Satsuki was insisting on going shopping with Aomine later--he's not sure why they keep running into each other and it keeps ending in a basketball match but Aomine's learned to just go with this kind of thing after a while. He just has no idea what Kagami is saying sometimes.

"Ok, what does that even mean--I get it, your English is better than mine, stop showing off." Aomine gripes, because seriously, where the shit did this come from? "Is that like a fucking parable or something?"

Kagami stares at him for a few seconds as if waiting, and Aomine just stares back, expectant.

"You done yet? I need to kick your ass sooner rather than later because Satsuki's gonna bitch if I'm late." Aomine prompts.

Kagami scowls, manages to steal the ball from him and heads for the other side of the court. Aomine rolls his eyes and runs after him.

He's an hour late, but he manages to drag Kagami with him so they both get to suffer being Momoi's dress-up dolls together.

\-----------------

III. Shoop: Salt-N-Pepa

They’re playing another casual basketball game, and this time it’s with Midorima, Takao, Kise, Kuroko and a few of Kuroko’s senpai. Kagami’s crowding him and Aomine’s got a feeling they’re only doing it to get them both out of the way.

“Oi, Aomine—” Kagami does some kind of one-shouldered jerk, and even though they’re at a standstill with Aomine trying to move and Kagami trying to prevent him, Kagami is doing his best trying to look anywhere but directly at him.

“What now? Feel like giving up already?” Honestly, it shouldn’t take this long for Midorima to steal the ball from Kise, Aomine’s feeling like he’s going to grow older and older at this rate.

“ _ **You're packed and you're stacked, 'specially in the back**_ ,” says Kagami, biting the corner of his lip, like he’s letting Aomine onto some kind of deep dark secret. “ _ **Brother, wanna thank your mother**_ —”

“What the hell are you saying now?” Which, really, what did that even MEAN. Why the hell was Kagami talking about Aomine’s mother of all people right now?

“It’s—” Kagami never gets to actually finish his train of thought, Kuroko throws the ball their way and Aomine dives forward to snatch it back in time.

\-----------------

IV. Pony: Ginuwine

They're eating at restaurant that isn't Maji burger for once--they’re at some kind of steakhouse near Kise’s school. Aomine is literally watching Kagami stuff his face with a steak as big as his head and at this point he's kind of wishing Kuroko and Kise would get the fuck over here already because this is kind of hard to watch. 

He's not even sure why they're even meeting here, just that somehow he got conned into helping Kuroko with his new drive along with Kise and Kagami.

Kagami finally cuts up and swallows the last pieces of steak, wiping at his mouth with a napkin.

"So, you see a lot of cowboys in America?" It's a valid question, he thinks. The only reason he asks is because there's cowboy decor around them and, yeah, Kagami studied in America. "Always wondered about those horses they rode everywhere."

Kagami coughs, almost chokes on his water. Aomine reaches over and slaps his back, with little ceremony.

Was it that weird of a question to ask?

"Uh..." Kagami looks like he's debating what to reply with, and Aomine just snorts; leave it to Kagami to not even give him a simple 'yes' or 'no' response. After a few seconds, Kagami seems to decide to stop being such a dick and answers, voice hoarse, "Do you like to ride horses?"

"Don't know, haven't really tried?" Aomine figures it'd be kind of cool—then again, he's not about to die of heartbreak if he doesn't.

" _ **I have a pony**_ ," Kagami half whispers, really intense and focused, " _ **you could ride it. My saddle's waiting**_ \--" 

"--Wait, you brought a horse with you from _AMERICA_?" Because Aomine's been to Kagami's place before, and yeah, it's nice, but he did not see a horse or anywhere to store one. "You keeping it in a garage or something?"

"Wait, what?" Kagami interrupts, and the asshole has the gall to be confused, "No, I don't have a horse in my garage--what the hell do you think we do in America?"

"--Then why the fuck did you just invite me to ride your pony if you don't have one?" Aomine's starting to wonder if maybe Kagami just gets off showing his English to Aomine to compensate for his basketball skills, "unless that's another fucking metaphor--”

"--It's not--" For someone that just ate a giant-ass steak with gusto a few minutes ago, Kagami looks pretty pale. "--it's not a _REAL_ horse--"

"--Then what the hell are you talking about?"

Kagami doesn't respond, just gapes at Aomine like he can't believe that it's not obvious, which, it isn't. Asshole.

Aomine doesn't get a chance to pester an answer out of Kagami either, because at that moment Kuroko and Kise conveniently spill into the restaurant, and now it's time for basketball, and Aomine just kind of has to let the subject go.

\-----------------

V. Baby Got Back: Sir-Mix-Alot

They’ve just finished up a practice match against Seirin, Aomine’s beat, and he’s at least relieved to see that Kagami’s equally exhausted. He practically limps over during the line-up and nods to Aomine with some difficulty.

Right now their senpai are debating where to eat for dinner, Kise has glued himself to Kuroko’s side (at this point, no one’s surprised when Kise shows up anymore) and they’re all talking in small groups amongst themselves.

Kagami shuffles over, fiddling with his bag strap. Momoi stops nagging Aomine for a second, leans over to say something to Kagami before excusing herself to harass Seirin’s coach.

“You need to work on your defense,” Aomine says in greeting if only to get a rise out of Kagami. He’s been off lately, especially since that last time they went out to eat a week ago.

Kagami doesn’t rise to the bait. Instead he gives a forced little cough. “Shut up,” he mutters, he glances over to where Momoi, Kise, and Kuroko are obviously not trying to watch them from where they’re standing. “I’ve got something to say to you.”

“Well then say it already, dick, don’t got all day.” Aomine’s kind of concerned because this isn’t like Kagami at all.

Kagami takes in a breath, leans up into Aomine’s personal space, and very solemnly says, “if this doesn’t get through to you, I swear to god…”

“—What gets through to me?” Aomine’s ignoring the fact that even their senpai are now openly looking over at them. Kagami leans forward, Aomine tries to ignore the fact that Kagami is technically breathing his air. He can’t deny the tension that’s thrumming between them.

Kagami takes a deep breath and then admits, with the utmost severity: " _ **I like big butts, and I cannot lie.**_ ” 

What.

The.

Shit.

Aomine shoves Kagami away.

“Good for you asshole. Why the hell are you telling me?” Because that’s nice for Kagami, but why did he feel the need to make it some big fucking secret? "Look if you're after some AV--I don’t have much for girls with asses man, I’m a boobs kind of guy—”

“No, you don’t understand—you have a huge ass—“

“—Did you just call me fat?” And sure, he may be fucking tired as hell from that match, but he will not hesitate to kick Kagami’s ass again. Because really, what the hell, first Kagami acts all dramatic when all he did was tell Aomine his AV preferences, and then he calls Aomine fat—where the fuck does that asshole get off?  
“No, I didn’t just call you _FAT_ —would you fucking listen for a second?” Kagami’s turning red in the face and Aomine’s so tempted to give him a black eye now to match it. “I’m saying that _YOU have a big_ ASS.”

“—Yeah, well, you can kiss it, douchebag.” The fact that Kagami’s ignored Aomine for a week, and then decided to restart their conversations by both insulting him and being a fucking crazy asshole just doesn't click with him at all.

“ _THAT’S WHAT I’M SAYING I WANT TO DO_ ,” Kagami cuts in, grabbing him forcing Aomine to look him in the eye, “I’m trying to tell you _I LIKE YOU_ , asswipe.”

And now _EVERYONE_ is openly watching them—even Imayoshi is twisting to try and peer around Teppei.

Aomine, himself, has no actual response to that—if only because he can't wrap his mind around the scenario. He knows that he needs to say something, needs to at least say anything because Kagami looks like he wants to cry, and it’s weird cause he’s fucking _KAGAMI_ , but Aomine is so fucking confused right now.

There’s another beat of silence and Kagami is just back to looking at him with that intense almost-zone look and oh, wait...

Oh. 

Was... was Kagami hitting on him the entire time? Had he actually been coming onto Aomine? So that means all the shit about ‘riding ponies’, and that weird ‘jeans’ comment... were all Kagami saying he... _LIKED_... Aomine?

“...So, you’re gay?” Aomine thinks it’s a fair question, really he does—but it's apparently the wrong thing to ask, because Kagami just glares at him. Distantly Aomine hears a sigh that sounds suspiciously like Kuroko and disappointment, and instinctively he chafes at it.

“Just fucking forget it—forget I ever said anything.” Kagami just shoves him away, and even though he’s fucking limping, Aomine has to hand it to him, he’s figured out a way to limp away... angrily.

“Aominecchi, you are really, really dumb.” Kise says after a moment, Kagami’s not making much progress getting away from their group (his legs must really be feeling like shit), but he’s out of hearing distance. Everyone is already looking at Aomine in a chastising way, like it’s all his fucking fault — and he’s still trying to comprehend the fact that Kagami was hitting on him in the first place. Not that he actually minds, because he doesn’t. 

Admittedly, Kagami’s got a nice body — and while he’s still very much a supporter of boobs and gravure — aesthetically, he can appreciate the fan of Kagami’s back muscles. 

Aomine’s just…never really thought of an actual relationship outside of the bathroom jackoff, when his body was still thrumming with adrenaline from actually beating Kagami and nothing else in the shower was going to calm him down.

“Would you hurry up and chase after him already? He’s actually making some distance—” Aomine doesn’t flip off Seirin’s Coach only because he’s seen her pin Kagami to the floor and he doesn’t have a death wish.

\-----------------

It doesn't take Aomine long to actually catch up to Kagami. He finds him sitting at a bus stop, knees drawn to his chest and absolutely refusing to look at him.

Aomine decides to put a stop this moping shit right now, if only because it creeps him out (and a vague, small part of him will admit, it’s kind of tugging at his heartstrings).

He doesn’t even say anything in greeting, just kind of drops down next to him and elbows Kagami hard enough to get his attention.

“Fuck off, asshole.” Kagami only tilts his head to give Aomine his best 'eat-shit-and-die' glare, but it’s derailed completely when Aomine shoves him again. “Quit it—”

“I thought the point was that you wanted to fuck ME,” Aomine interrupts, frowning. There must be something wrong, because Kagami actually looks kind of cute in this light, and — where did that come from? He has no idea.

“Hell no, not anymore—you’re an ass and I don’t know where you’ve even been.” Kagami bitches, but Aomine’s not blind to the way that he’s sneaking glances over at him.

“For your information, I have standards. I don’t date just anyone,” Aomine snorts, and leans closer to Kagami, tries not to laugh at the way Kagami freezes. “As far as being an ass goes—you love me this way, but you can tell me to shut up if you want.”

Kagami rolls his eyes, and Aomine counts it as a personal victory because he’s blushing pretty fucking brightly. 

“Yeah, well, I’ve got shit taste,“ sighs Kagami, finally leaning back against Aomine and relaxing the littlest bit. Aomine’s not that surprised to find how it's almost comfortable. 

He’s not the type to extend awkward silences, so he decides to make a decision — 'sides, words and double-meanings and all that shit got them into this mess to begin with, and he’s always been a big fan of the direct approach.

He takes Kagami’s face in his hands, and kisses him right then and there. Kagami’s nothing like a girl, he’s not soft, his lips are chapped, and their teeth clack. He tastes kind of like cinnamon and for someone that’s usually so brash, he’s kind of shy when he kisses back. 

It’s not a bad thing; Aomine’s certainly had worse. It’s kind of a nice feeling — which is weird that kissing Kagami of all people feels good, but it does, and he feels like he’s on a high, adrenaline pumping through him and nerves sparking up his spine.

Kagami makes this breathy little noise, and Aomine has to let go and back off a bit—it actually sounded really hot, and he may need a moment to compose himself; like he'd ever tell Kagami that shit, though.

“You better not be fucking with me.” Kagami says, “Are you even gay?”

“You should’ve asked that after you won me over with your shitty indecipherable pick-up lines.” Aomine laughs, “I didn’t even know what the hell you were saying half the time.”

“Kuroko said you like that gravure and AV shit, ok—I thought I was being sexy, dickbag.” On any other person, that would’ve probably come out sounding like whining, “God, why did it have to be YOU of all people?”

“I don’t know what you think happens in porn, but the kind I watch has a lot less talking than you think—what were you even QUOTING?” Kagami flushes redder if it’s even possible, and just smacks him upside the head. “What? All that shit didn’t sound like you at all—it was English, right? You were saying something in English—“

“—I tried to use songs I liked to tell you how I felt about you, it's not my fault you were too stupid to figure it out,” Kagami complains. “How was I supposed to know you didn’t know the classics.” 

“Not all of us were raised abroad, how am I supposed to know what you’re even implying?” Kagami looks more than a little offended at the remark, but Aomine’s not about to waste time away from the others on arguing. Not when kissing is an option.

Kagami goes down surprisingly easy, and it’s almost laughable how quickly Aomine gets him pinned.

“Wait... So, we are dating now, right? You... you like me back?” Because Kagami is thick and apparently thinks Aomine’s kissing all the boys that feed him shitty lines, of course he has to ruin the mood and ask.

“Who knows—don’t think about it so much. After this, you’re going to treat me to ice cream at a konbini and then we’re going to your house to jerk off.” Aomine knows he ought to worry about people interrupting, or how easy it'd be for their teams to show up unannounced (Kise would be the one to record them so long as Kuroko hinted he'd want footage), but he’s got Kagami under him, and while he’s not exactly writhing, it’s kinda close

Worrying's the last thing on his mind right now.

“Aren’t we moving a bit fast—“

“—Says the guy who was telling me to ride his fucking pony—“

“—That wasn’t what I really meant. I don’t really want to kiss your disgusting ass either. Oi, fucker get your hands out of my jersey—“

Aomine kisses him again, mostly to shut him up. For all his complaining, Kagami goes along with him fairly quickly.

**Author's Note:**

> I'd like to say I'm working on other productive works and that's why there's been a lull in fic posting but really, I just blame grad school and my own neurosis for making me unable to post fic at a steady time. 
> 
> Anyways as always, comments/criticism is always welcomed.


End file.
